Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Naukri karne ke kuch nuskhe

1) Bane raho pagle, kam karenge agle.



2) kam se raho gul, tankha pao full.


3) mat lo tension warna parivar

Payega pension.


4) kam se daro nahi aur kam ko karo nahi


5) kam karo ya na karo kam ki fikr zaroor karo aur fikr karo ya na karo us par zikr zarur karo...

Electricity in Pak

2 Dost

Year 1980


1st: Yaar Ye Light Kab

Jati Hy.?


2nd: Pata Nhi, Meray Khyal Me

Sal Me 1 Baar.!


1990

1st: Yaar Ye Light

Kyu Jati Hy.?


2nd, Pata Nahi, Meray

Khayal Me Transformer Badaltay Hain.


2000

1st: Yaar Ye Light

Kab Ati Hy?


2nd: Jab Hamray Area Ki Jaygi,

Tab Tumhary Area Ki Ayage.!


2010

1st: Yaar Ye Light Aygi Aj.?


2nd: Nahi Aj Faisalabad Me Hy,

Lahore Ki Baari Kal Hy.!


2020

1st: Suna Hy Puranay Waqton

Me Light Huwa Kerti Thi.?


2nd: So Ja Light Wite Kuch Nahi Hoti,

Sub Tera Weham Hy..!

gumshudage

Aik shakhs ki B-V gum ho gaye, tho oss shakhs nay akhbaar main gumshudage ki ithila'a youn de,"mare B-V pichlay jumu'a ko gum ho gaye hay, agar kisi nay ithila'a dainay ki koshish ki tho, main ussay jaan say maar donga"

Ab Tang ker K. Dikhawo

1 dehati ko 1 Aadmi Mobile per tang karta tha:
1 din dehati ne new Sim khareed kar usay msg kya.
Maine woh Number band kar k nai sim le li hai.
Ab tang kar k dikhao Bachoo.

Aik kay 2, Aik kay 4

Aik shakhs ki nazar kamzor thee,wo ankhon kay doc kay pas giya aur kaha " doctor sahab ! mujay har aik cheez 2, 2 nazar athe hay "
doctor sahab nay poocha, kia aap 4oon ko yahi beemari hay ? "

Pathan And The Ship

Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, "Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved."
All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.

Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Pathan came forward near the railing and chanted,
"Allah-u-Akbar"
And Kicked the Indian standing next to him in the sea.

jurhwa'n bachay ,

2 humshakal jurhwa'n bachay apnay kamray main baitay huway thay, in main say aik hansi kay maray ROFL ho raha tha,jab keh doosra miskeen see soorath banayay baita tha,bachon kay walid nay kamray main dakhil ho kar poocha, "kia huwa baita, kion miskeen soorath banayay baitay ho?"
hasnay walay bachay nay jawab diya," kuch nahi abu, asal main aaj ammi nay 2non marthaba Ahmed hi ko ghusal kara diya hay"

Pakistani Jokes

Musharraf comes to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee says to Musharraf: "Well Parvez, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant." "How do you know?" asks Musharraf "Oh well, it's simple", says Atal. " They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second".

He calls Advani over and asks him "Tell me Advaniji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "Ah, that's simple", says Advani, "it is me!" "Well done Advani", says Vajpayee and Musharraf is very impressed. He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet.
He calls in his favourite member of cabinet and asks: "Tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister? " He thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. "Can I think about it a bit further Sir? May I let you know tomorrow? ". "Of course", says Musharraf, "You've got 24 hours."
He goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knows the answer.Twenty hours later, the member of Musharraf's cabinet is very worried-still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually he says to himself: "I'll ask Bill Clinton, he's clever, he'll know the answer." He calls Clinton. "Mr.President", he says, "Tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "Very simple", says Clinton, "It's me!"
"Wonderful!" says the Cabinet member and hangs up. Jumping with joy realizing that he knows the answer, he rings Musharraf. "Sir, I've got the answer!".
"What is it?"
"It's Bill Clinton".
"No, you idiot", says Musharraf, "It's Advani".

Local Call

In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Vajpyee and Musharraf decided to visit each others country regularly.
The first visit was by Musharraf to India. There Vajpyee showed him Indians modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that Musharraf made a call to Zia-ul-Haq in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes ! The bill for the call came to only Re.1.
When Musharraf came back, he also wanted Pakistans telecommunication systems to be at the best when Vajpyee visited Pakistan. Suitable arrangements were made. Vajpyee came to Pakistan, visited the telecom department and talked to Rajiuv Gandhi in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs. 500!

Vajpyee asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in Pakistan ?"
A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From India to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from Pakistan it is long distance!".

Monday, October 25, 2010

Conversation between Bill Gates and Laloo of Bihari

Gates: Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo: Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates: At home have u installed Windows?
Laloo: I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.
Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo: OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates(Sweating): Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.

Gates: By the year 2010 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates(Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Laloo: RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo: I have exhausted all my leave.
Gates: I have no energy left_inner, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting. Please wait............."

Hindi Movies And Computer

Hamara Hardisk Aapke Paas Hai

Hum Aapke Memory Mein Rahate Hain

Hum Hai Programmer Oracle Ke

Programmer no 1

Java Wale Job Le Jayenge

Do(2) processor baarah(12) terminal

Mera Code Chal Gaya

Network Ke Uss Paar

Jis Desh Mein Bill(Gates) Rahata Hai

Client Ek Numbari, PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari

Login Karo Sajana

Firewall (Border)

DOWN To Hona Hi Tha

Partition (Deewar)

Kaho Na Virus Hay

Y2K - A Bug Story

Software Engineer Husband

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morningHusband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife- you are useless.Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am goingHusband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

Song On 11 September

Main Niklaa Aeroplane Le Ke....

Raste Mein New York Pe...

Ik Mod Aaya .....

Main Trade Tower Tod Aaya...

Rab Jaane Kab Guzraa.... New York..........

Kab Pentagon AAya..

Main Uthey Aeroplane Fod aaya.......

Women are Smart but Man's weakness (Funny)

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."




Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.



Attention female readers
: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers
: Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife .


Moral of the story
: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.


Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show



PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!



Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour (funny rider, ain't it)?